Nonsense but forgiven

A few days ago I was quite disturbed. I keep on having the thought where this World has nothing worth for me to move on or stay on. Everyone around me seems to criticise about me. They seems not to understand me though they said they do. They backfire me with no reason. They even curse me with joy and teased me. Some are taking me for granted. Some doesn't show respect to me. They thought I am telling lies. Some even twisted what I have said(in order to protect themselves) and causes me becoming telling lies. They thought I am ego and selfish. They said I am the type of "Kacang lupakan kulit". They said I had changed a lot. They said I am no longer who I was.

I am quite sad of all those comments. Although it's not something that they said directly to me. But someone was passing the message to me and some of them I just overheard it. The worst thing is they can act like they are very nice to me. As if nothing happen. I know this is how life is. Seriously can't think of a reason why they would say all these though I have no bad intention towards them nor hurt them before. I just couldn't understand why they exist.

I was driving very fast and couldn't find a solution to calm myself down. Suddenly there is one voice spoke to me. He said "forgive..." - straight away I slowed down my car and was calmed. Then I start to think again, yeah...why couldn't I forgive? I have uncounted sins that Jesus had forgiven me! Why I can't forgive them? I also realised I am so sinful that sometimes I had repeated my sins but God still forgive me. Yeah, perhaps I should forgive them as well as myself.

Disclaimer: Whatever is said above, I have no intention for any suicide activity. I am not that stupid ;)


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London or Edinburgh ?

It's GMT 10:30 pm and I am suppose to sleep by then. Anyway, feel like want to blog something. This would be my third week at Aberdeen, UK. So far so good and quite happy with the life here. I cook by myself, I wash my own dish, I wash my own clothes, I walk to office every morning and had a good time with my colleagues here. They can be so serious and they can joke with you without boundary. Sometimes I find it hard to get their joke. Probably overseas joke is much more harsher than Asian's joke. I would say quite different from the way I used to joke(obviously). At times, I felt offended when they joke with me by saying "Go back to Malaysia", "Your cheap and nasty Malaysian code". I am fine with the first few times when they speak about it. But, too much of it might just spoiled a cup of coffee in the morning !

Work here is always busy and changes here and there. I always believe a program or simply a software, can only written by one person. If you ask me why, I will tell you - "too many cook spoiled the soup" ! Too many opinions and too many disagreement on everything. This might just slow down the software development cycle. Oh man, I was wondering how "efficient" it was during my University whenever I had a group assignment ! Geeezzz...that won't work out, trust me ! It always turn out to be only one person doing codings, the other one do documentation and the rest of it waiting for the marks to be announced from Lecturer. But, did you ever wonder why we need to have at least 2 person writing a software ? Well, simply because if that freak or geek quit, there is at least another backup. So, in the context of an IT Company, you just can't have only one programmer doing a development.

Anyway, too much of craps. My manager were asking me for a favor to stay another one more extra week. Well, just one week and I think this is fair enough for both party. Still waiting for his reply. So my return is not being confirmed yet. My colleagues planned to visit Edinburgh together with me next week. I was wondering shall I just spend on Edinburgh and forget about the London trip or do it next time. They said it would be expensive to spend in London and advise me to visit Edinburgh instead. Not too sure of how things would turn out to be but they tried to convince me by all mean. Will see how then ;p

Last Friday was my disastrous week, was it a Friday the 13th ? It was about GMT 7:00 o'clock in the evening. I was so tired and stressed out . I went to my colleague's room(Paul) to have a short chit chat. My another colleague(Jackey) who actually work at the same room with me, came in to Paul's room 5 minutes after me. We were planning to watch movie after this and all of us agreed. When Jackey and I planned to go back to our room, we found out the door locked by itself ! noob, eh ! All of my stuff was inside the room, my laptop, my clothes, office key and same goes to Jackey. He is even worst, his handphone, wallet, and house key were inside the room. I was d*mn lucky where my apartment key was with me inside my jean. I would be sleeping in the office if I don't have that key ! There is nothing we can do because none of us has the key and not even our manager. Cool stuff ! So, at the end we went for a movie and went home.

I was supposed to be in the office to do support over the weekend(which mean next day) and yet my key was inside the room. My manager was so angry over this matter and he was so freaking furious ! He was at Spain at that time and scolded my colleague for not doing anything since I need to be in for support over the weekend. I felt so sorry to my colleague since they got scolded because of me :( I would again, take this opportunity to extend my apologies and hope you guys don't put 'em in heart, cheers guys ! I also hope this matter won't affect our manager's impression towards you guys.

Anyway, those are the past tense ! My main concern now is to visit London or Edinburgh ! Suggestions please ~! Let's plan together for this coming trip and chill it out loud ! oweoweo !

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What's all about LOVE ?

Yeah, lately I am having a great impact of *something something* towards this four letters. What actually love is all about. Can I "eat" with it ? or can I "sleep" with it ? or can I "play" with it ? or can I even use money to "buy" it(Don't make into conclusion before you analyse it !) ? Hhhmmm...You might be surprised that I would have a question like this. At times, I just can't accept what Love is define as it is. Is it really worth to do anything just for this four letter even with the lost of your pride, feelings, emotions, personalities and I just mean everything in you ! Yeah, maybe that's the meaning of that four letter.

Some people says, Love is sacrifice. Some people even says, Love is forever. Some people even says, Love is Everything and so on and so forth. How do you define this four letter in your "world". Does it mean that you really would die for it just for this four letter ? or am I too realistic to say NO to this four letter ? or am I too ego ?

I am a person that would rather throw away whatever I had now rather than dying because of that four letter. You can go on and said "You are such a heartless man! Woe to you !". Yeah, go ahead. What happen if that four letter gave you a full blown of disappointment ? or even worst than that ? Would you still say that LOVE is everything ?

Well, in Holy Bible it says that God is Love. I think I need to start from there. What is Love, GOD ?

Alright, that's all for now and I would let the rest of the story for you to ponder. *pooof*...


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